yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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