i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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