My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
