just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
