So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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