No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
