I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
