he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
