on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
