I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
