i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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