just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
