I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
