More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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