try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
