best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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