I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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