Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
