Apparently you make a good broom.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
did you just send me my own nude
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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