Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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