please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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