So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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