just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
