my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
