The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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