Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
