Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
