There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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