i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
