PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
