the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
