i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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