He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
