WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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