well I can't set my house on fire every night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
