Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize