I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
