I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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