Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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