you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize