They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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