I'm so fucking centered right now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
