Whod you bang
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
