I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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