I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
