Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
