You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
