Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
