and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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