I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
