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i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
