Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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