Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
