omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
