Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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