Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
