i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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