I just pynch a tree in the face
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
