Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
