please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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