im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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