Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
