Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
